Sunday, May 2, 2010

sulkiness

Warning: guys, this post is full of vagueness, doubts, ambiguity. you won't find anything good or useful in it. read it at your own risk.

When things don't go right, I'm sad why they aren't right. when things are right then also i'm sad thinking is it really possible for things to go right with me? or is something still missing? or it's just momentary? why deep down inside me i have stopped seeing things as i used to see when i was a baby? am i going mad or the world is mad? why my feelings take over my commitment? why is it i loose interest in something as quickly as i got interested in it? and why is it that i have stopped doing things i loved to do? why even these things don't sustain my interest and concentration anymore? what's wrong with me? is my whole system wrong? the way i'm living my life? do i really don't know how to actually LIVE a life? or do i think toooooo much? what is it? i know, something is missing. a big piece of my life is missing. but what is it? desire? motivation? inspiration? goal? why does this empty, void feeling returns to me every now and then? when will this stop? when will i just let myself be as i am not giving importance to external factors? when will i feel complete again with myself? or has it become my state of mind? have i started believing that things will remain like this and like to see myself in this state?? is it really? have i really lost myself?