Calling...

It's been almost an year since i have this feeling burning inside me. I accepted this feeling to myself long back but never had the guts to tell it to anybody not even to the person closest to me. But today, i think...or rather i know i can't take it anymore. I can't live like this for long. I can't pretend to myself anymore that this-is-what-i-want-to-do-it-in-life. I just can't! I feel out of place! I feel as if I'm talking about cricket with people who love animals and doesn't even know C of cricket! This just feels so odd and terrible and most importantly NOT RIGHT!!!!!

After thinking so hard for so many days,weeks errr.... months... now i'm thinking what is there that i would love to spend my life doing and when i seek for an answer inside me...i find nothing! NOTHING!!!! Nothing AT ALL!! IT's VOID!!! and i go blank. feeling pathetic. don't know who to look up to, whom to ask for help. my friends, i'm sure they are tired and sick of me telling this umpteenth time. infact, now i have decided not to bother them with this. and my parents, my mother can still understand me. but my father, i'm sure he'll throw me out of house!

i can't believe myself, being 21 and dont know what i want to do! and staying at home is the thing that tortures me most! i don't know how to pull myself again and bring zeal to my life. i don't know how, when and where i would get that motivation ever again to leave everything behind me and start afresh. in fact, start afresh for what?! :|